I am 18 years old... 29 weeks pregnant and expecting a little boy...

Now before I start getting attacked for being “too young” “ruining my life” and “not being mature enough to raise a child” I already know. So we’ve got that all out of the way.

I was 17 years old when i found out I was pregnant. When I first found out i was super excited. But now as the months have turned into 11 weeks and the father is no longer in the picture and I don’t really have much of a support system I feel so lost...

I’ve struggled with depression my whole life, and once I got pregnant it hit me like a train and I have felt like I’ve been in this big hole that just keeps getting deeper and deeper. But now it has worsened and I don’t know what to do..... I just feel like I’m falling farther and farther into this hole and that I can’t get out. And now it’s closer to my due date and I’ve realized that I’m going to be alone in that room bringing a little baby into this world.... and I’m beginning to be scared out of my mind..... I know I have my family that’s trying to help me as best as they can and friends who are trying to keep my mind away from the scary thoughts... but they still sneak through.....

This isn’t what I imagined for my future.... I didn’t want to be a pregnant teenager.... I wanted to be financially stable and in a place of my own with a husband who would forever be by my side and go through this with me..... but instead I am going through this alone... I don’t have the father here to rub my tummy and feel as our baby grows... And I know he’s not in the picture for a good reason and that he isn’t safe for me or baby but deep down it still really hurts....

I don’t know what to do anymore.... I feel like I’ve already failed as a mother... and that my sons going to hate me....

I don’t know what this was supposed to be... a rant?.... A “please tell me I’m not alone”?... or just getting what’s been trapped in my head off my chest.... but if you read all of this then I guess thanks for listening....