Me and my SO finally got married a few days ago, October 12th. I know it seems so soon but I’ve been wanting a baby forever and he finally told me he was ready. So on our wedding night, after partying with our bridal party and having a few drinks, we tried. We tried again the day after, and the day after that. Then he decided to tell me he isn’t as ready as her thought...

He said of course he wouldn’t be mad or upset if we got pregnant, but now I’m worried it could draw some wedge between us. This is the 2nd time he thought he was ready then changed his mind. Only the first time, we didn’t get a chance to try before he changed it. For the sake of having a miniature version of me and him, and filling a void I’ve had for so long, I want a baby. But for the sake of my relationship and love for him, now I’m scared. And I know some of you guys will comment things like “fuck him” or “he shouldn’t thought twice before saying he was ready” and I get that. But at the same time, I’m older then him and we have miscarried before, months before we became official. I’ve also miscarried with my ex.

I’d hope at least some of y’all understand where my desire to have a successful pregnancy comes from now. I mean, I mother everything in my life. I have younger friends who I call my children. I have a kitten who is so precious and she’s just the love of my life honestly. I mother my younger siblings and cousins and even my husbands cousins and nephews. I’ve always done this and I’ve never felt ashamed of it until now. I just feel terrified that if we are pregnant and he doesn’t fasten that seatbelt and get ready that our relationship won’t last.

I know I’m ready to change my whole life around for a baby. My question is, is he?