I need advice ...

Ashlynn

Hello, My names Ashlynn, I’m 18 years old. I’ve been dealing with stomach issues since before 2014, it’s gotten a lot worst over the years. It’s to the point where I have a constant abdominal pain and doctors can’t figure it out. They’ve done cat scans, MRI, scopes, etc and all they’ve found is a hernia. Which isn’t causing my stomach pain because it’s more in my chest. I had lost a lot of weight really fast. I went from 148 to 120. I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety/ social anxiety. 2 years ago I had a plan of ending my life. I had a plan and a date. I’m now on Zoloft. My new doctor says it should help with my depression, anxiety and stomach aches. But now that I’ve been on the pill for over 3 weeks ... well it has no positives for me. My stomach is so much worst. It hasn’t helped my mood. I’m getting half and hour to an hour and a half of sleep every night. I was losing weight but I had got myself to the point where I was staying between 120 and 124. But now I’m 112 and I’ve only been on Zoloft for maybe 2 weeks. I just feel so fucking miserable and shitty. I just want to be a normal ass girl. I can’t even go out for 2 hours without being in tears because my stomach hurts so fucking bad. I haven’t told anyone but my boyfriend about losing even more weight by being on the Zoloft because everyone gets really worried and my mom try’s to force me to eat. I can only eat if I feel ok. If I try and force food into my stomach I puke everything up I’ve tried telling my mom this but she doesn’t care, she wants me to gain weight and I do to but the only way I can eat is if I smoke weed ... and I’ve really started to hate smoking it. I can’t even get high anymore, my stomach pain has gotten so bad I can’t even get high. It fucking sucks. I’m tired of feeling like shit. And I honestly just don’t know what to do anymore. Some days I want to give up. Why live a life where I’m constantly in pain. Constantly hating and doubting myself. I just want to be able to do things without having pain constantly, and I don’t have to make everyone around me leave because I have to. It makes me feel so shitty and annoying. They shouldn’t have to leave the fun because I’m fucking miserable. I try not to show it but my mom and man can see right through me ...