Gender dissapointment/guilt

This is kinda long... just need to vent/ someone to talk to...

I am 18 weeks pregnant and found out yesterday that I am having another boy! After two miscarriages and TTC for over a year I am absolutely over the moon. I honestly and truly am so grateful for all my blessings....

My husband and I have had names picked out since before i was pregnant for both a boy and a girl.... and after having said miscarriages I truly felt I would be more than happy and excited for a baby boy or girl.... but today and a little last night I am really shocked at how disappointed I have been feeling..... not meaning to I guess in a way I was really hopeful for a girl.... growing up I did truly always imagine myself having a boy then a girl.... I just don't know though... I feel so sad and I HATE that I feel this way. I have been feeling baby boy move around a LOT this week and that alone is comforting because it reminds me baby is healthy and happy all snug and warm in there.... another reason I feel so disgusted with myself for even feeling this way at all is I know SO many people who have had stillbirths, miscarriages, and babies die from SIDS. And most of them had to go thru IVF or something similar to even conceive at all.... and here I am... able to naturally conceive a baby and baby is growing ahead but in all the right ways.....

I truly am grateful. I am. I thank God every day for my amazing husband, my healthy and happy 2 year old boy who is so excited to have a baby brother, and a healthy baby boy not yet earth side whom I am so excited to meet and cannot wait to hold in March.

But I just hate that I feel this way.. it's so silly and it's killing me inside a little. My husband are wanting 3-4 kids total so it's not like this is my last baby or anything but I still feel like I've lost something.... and kind of broken and sad...... I hate this

anyone else feel this way? I hope I'm not alone... 😞💔

Please no hate.

My beautiful rainbow baby boy... he has my husband's profile 😍 (this is mine and my husbands first baby together, my toddler isn't his biological father)