My father has been there throughout my whole life but he wasn’t really THERE. It was pretty much my mom raising me, my father has crazy anger issues. I remember when I was little I couldn’t even talk to him without him yelling or being impatient with me. There were some good days but it was mostly pretty shitty so I’ve been kinda afraid of him my entire youth and teen years. He also had/has a gambling addiction so he would be gone all night and come home early hours of the morning then go to work so I haven’t really gotten to see him often. He never shows me any affection, no hugs kisses no “how was your day?” He probably told me that he loves me once in my entire life. I recently noticed I’ve only been into older guys, like 30s and up. I’m 21 btw. The oldest man I’ve been with was 37. My dad is kinda dark because he’s middle eastern but my skin color is light/white and I’m also only attracted to black guys. This also might sound weird but I think it’s hot when the guy is a little bit mean to me or aggressive with me. I feel like something is wrong with me. It’s like I’m trying to find my dad in a man and it’s strange and I don’t want that but I can’t help it.