Today wasn’t the greatest, I thought I’d make it through the day just fine but I failed. My husband and I have been trying for 7 years now, have had 4 losses and lots of negatives.

So today makes me 10 days late, I wasn’t sure I wanted to test but my hubby insisted on it because I’ve been feeling crappy and so tired for over 2 weeks. So I peed on the stick and we sat in the bathroom for the 5 minute wait just staring at this stupid stick just to get a not pregnant on the screen. So I sat there and cried and had to struggle to pull myself together because it’s my cousins baby shower today for her little girl who is due in December, her and I are best friends and I’m so happy for her and her husband but they literally only tried for 3 months to get pregnant.

I fought all morning to get myself together, get dressed, load the car and drive myself to her shower. I had to stop up the street before getting to the hall and push back my tears one last time before getting there. Of coarse my family is there and all of our friends and they are all asking when it’s going to be my turn and they all make sure to point out that I’ll be 30 next year and all I can do is sit there and say idk. None of them know that I was pregnant earlier this year before my cousin, I had miscarried the month before she found out that she was pregnant, my due date would have been the end of this month so yeah today was a bad day...