What would you do?

Question

Would you stay with the man you are in love with and is the father of your child if you knew secretly he didnt want another child and you did and that he never wanted to be a father period? Let me start by saying despite how he feels he is great father and our child adores him. I just recently found this information out about how he feels inside and I have no idea what to do about it. I could leave but it would disrupt our whole life or I could stay but I don't know where we would go from here. So would you go or stay?

Answer

I think I would resent him if I stayed 🤷

Answer

I think you need to know WHY he feels that way. 
My dad never wanted kids, yet has two. He didn’t want kids because he was terrified he would “mess” it all up. He had a horrific childhood, and even to this day even though he’s an amazing dad, he still always says part of him hates it because he is so scared of ruining his family. A lot of people are shocked or offended when he says he never wanted to be a parent, but once you know the reason it changes everything. 
Marriage isn’t always about understanding someone, but it’s about accepting them and learning to love every part of them. I think a marriage counselor would be beneficial so you can openly communicate to each other. You’ll never find someone who 100% aligns with you. It’s impossible. Only you can decide if this one thing is worth ending your marriage and family. Either way, you have to decide together how to move forward.

Answer

So that depends. If he’s good with your child then I’d say some couples therapy to work out issues would be best. You just have to come to terms that he doesn’t want another child, if that’s a deal breaker then... I think these things can be worked through, sometimes people need a neutral 3rd party to help them out.

Answer

Just table it for now.

Answer

That’s a personal decision. Some people don’t want to be parents. That doesn’t mean they’re bad parents or won’t have moments they absolutely enjoy. If it’s a personal dealbreaker for you, then leave. You only have one life, it doesn’t matter if it will disrupt your current status quo. Maybe some questions to ask yourself are: Why am I hurt that he doesn’t desire being a parent? Can I live with someone like this for the rest of my life knowing this? Do I want to? Maybe some questions you could bring up with him are what about being a father is difficult for you to enjoy? Will it affect the way we live and parent? Is your dislike a reflection of our relationship or family? Or a personal value? Be open!

What would you do?

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