Weird question

So here is a question i really wanna know without getting bashed for asking how do you know if you are ready to have kids? Im not a fan of other peoples kids just because of how some behave an dont get corrected but i know they say the apple doesnt fall far from the tree so very short story im adopted my egg donor tried to kill me as a baby i was a new born an was crying an she couldnt take it so she tried to suffocate me with a pillow im terrified to be a mom because i dont ever wanna be like her i was raised by a very amazing women but she passed in 2015 am i wrong for being scared can i get someones advice with no judgement please