⚠️ Trigger Warning ⚠️ when I was 7 years old there was a guy in my class and he touched me in a sexual way under the table during class. At the time I thought it was okay because he made it seem like he knew what he was doing and was acting like it was nothing, so I brought it up nonchalantly in front of a teacher and the kid got mad and started crying that I told and they told my parents when I had gotten picked up, but I remember that my parents didn’t do anything about it. They didn’t talk to me about it and how it was wrong and didn’t make a big deal about it like they would with me being bullied which didn’t make any sense because you’d think your kid being touched sexually at school would be worse than bullying. When I started to get a little older and understood what actually happened (without the help of my parents but on my own) I started to feel really weird about it and at the time thought that that’s what I deserved if my parents didn’t even do anything about it. When I was 11 I fed into that thought and let a lot of people online use me which made it a lot worse. I’ve been sexually assaulted more than once if you don’t really count when I was seven and sometimes it’s hard to understand. If I was only 7 and the kid that touched me was my own age does that count? I just feel like it’s such a stupid reason to be so messed up with sexual stuff to begin with. I have multiple triggers for this and most of them will take me back to when I was seven and I can still feel his cold fingers touching me. I get triggered for other sexual assault experiences but they both happened when I was 15 and 16 so I feel like it’s okay.

Is it stupid for me to even get triggered and brought back to when I was 7? I don’t even know if that would even be considered anything. It was never discussed or talked about when it happened and it’s like my parents heard it and then forgot it because they thought I was lying. I just don’t even know how to feel about it.