I have no motivation to do anything I'm try my hardest to parent through depression I just can't and between my so and I we have 4 kids 5 and under I feel indescribably alone he doesn't understand I try and cook etc I just mentally can't my so was laying down with me after he worked all day and drove to get his kids... he asked me what was wrong I couldn't answer I just cried and he held me just feels like I'm a burden to him, he is moving out of state for a better job and myself and my kids can't move with him because he holds it over me how I barely make enough money and don't work enough yet I'm studying for the national boards so I can't work a lot right now yet he doesn't help me with money feels like I'm losing him and I'm going through other personal things right now and I'm so depressed... I cry I feel like I'm not enough... he doesn't understand depression doesn't go away or he will get mad at me because the house is a mess or I'm having a "lazy day" according to him or he will comment on me eating too much or to little and if it's too much he will tell me put some back or just look disgusted at me and if it's to little he will try and make me eat like I'm physically not hungry...... like I didn't choose to have a mental illness I don't know what else to do I'm laying down with the babies just in tears

I want to be better for the kids I don't have the energy or motivation I don't find myself pretty or anything my confidence is gone too

I hate having depression more than anything 😓😓😓 I'm not on medication as it doesn't help me besides makes me super tired and I just can't easily sleep with 4 kids.