Confession towards Pushing away

I don’t know what else to think but to feel so confused and frustrated but more importantly, upset with myself in the first place. It all started how the guy I liked recently broke up with his girlfriend and how he kept talking about her. For some reason I didn’t feel jealous or anything. Is was more on how she ended up hurting him and I wanted to cheer him up. But for some reason all the feelings I have been bottling up. Ended up exploding, that I told him I liked him. I immediately walked away from the party we were at. I went straight to my room and wanted to disappear, because I was afraid that are relationship as friends was finally over. But out of no where, his cousin who I am best friends with manage to enter my room. And tells me that he knew along which of course I end up having a panic attack which I hated it was happening especially in a middle of a situation. All my friends come into the room to calm me down and say that he’s waiting outside wanting to check if I am okay. But I tell them that I don’t want him to see me like this. After I remain relaxed, up to an hour I let out my feelings saying how I kinda regret it because our relationship might chance and all that. All my friends tell me that they will leave a moment and come back to give me some space. When they come back less then 5 minutes later they managed to get him in the room. I immediately turned my back on him and started pacing. They tell me that both of our backs will be turned and that I will tell him how I feel and he can’t say anything. So I tell him that I am sorry. And that I think it’s best we don’t see each other ever because I am not worth it and I felt so ashamed. And that I wish I can take back time when I can’t. And that I wish I had the ability to rip out my feelings out of my chest and make them not exist so he didn’t have to deal with me. And I tell him goodbye one last time. And he leaves, and they told me that in the other side of the room he felt extremely hurt. And that they never seen him so hurt that they didn’t know what to do. They said he understands, and that he’s on a break after his breakup. And now he’s going to give me to space to think rationally. I don’t know what to do now. I know I messed up pretty badly but at the same time I know I can’t avoid him because his family and my family are friends. Therefore which makes it so much harder then sharing the same school together as well.. what should I do? I am so lost right now...