My boyfriend and I have been together a little over 4 years. We moved in together about 3 months after we started dating. The first two years of our relationship were amazing! I couldn't have found a better man or lover. Everything was perfect. Our sex life was incredible and we never went more than a fews days without it. Every day, he made me feel beautiful, sexy, and wanted. He was always saying, "I love you!" We treated each other with respect and love.

Two years in our relationship turned rocky. Since then we have had many conversations about our relationship and how I don't feel like he loves me or is attracted to me anymore. I still treat him as I always have and tell him that I love him everyday. He rarely says, "I love you." anymore and our sex life has dwindled to almost nothing. It's not uncommon for us to go six weeks or more without having sex and when we do have sex, it's because I initiate it.

He claims he still loves and wants me but his actions show otherwise. I feel like he does things deliberately to avoid having to have sex with me, like waiting until I fall asleep to shower or brush his teeth (because if he gets done before I fall asleep, I might actually want to have sex). And now I suspect that he is waiting until I go to sleep to secretly masturbate. I've woke up several nights this past week to the bed jerking with his movements. And when I roll over, he immediately jerks his hand out from under the covers and puts his arm over his head, like he wasn't doing anything and the expression of guilt and fear on his face just reinforces my suspicions. But I don't say anything.

Normally, this wouldn't bother me, as I'm well aware that it's normal for a man to masturbate. But the fact that he acts like he's no longer attracted to me sexually, and goes out of his way to avoid having sex with me and the fact that he is trying to hide it from me, like why masturbate when I'm literally right there next to him and I am more than willing and able to accommodate him, even if I was asleep?

I want to confront him about it and I would love to do so in a mature adult way, but I know that he will do nothing but deny it or try to blame the "movements" on our dog that sleeps in the bed with us. (I know it's not the dog, beyond a shadow of a doubt.) I need some way to get solid proof like catching him in the act. So do any of you ladies have any suggestions on how I can do that?

I just want him to be honest with me! I'd rather he tell me that he doesn't love me or isn't attracted to me anymore. Despite the fact that I love him more than anything, I would rather he be honest and we go our separate ways than continue to be lied to or endure any of the other emotions I deal with on a daily basis. It'd be better than both of us being miserable for the rest of our lives.

*EDIT*

@Stephanie, I appreciate the suggestion. As for why I'm just laying there and not saying anything, I guess it's because there's a part of me that's scared that unless I have solid proof, he's just going to lie about it and try to make me think I'm "just crazy". And maybe there's a part of me that's scared that I'm right and he's doing it because he no longer wants me.

@Mindi, that's what started our problems two years ago. He had an emotional affair with his boss. I don't believe that he's involved in seeing anyone now because we are literally together 24/7. But if he is doing what I think he's doing, with the history we have, I can't help but feel that this is a type of betrayal too.

@Miranda, I want to be honest with him, and I don't want to accuse him of anything that's just my suspicions. That way, I can be honest with him and then there's no other choice for him but to be honest with me. He's lied and denied things in the past even when the proof was staring him right in the face. When there was really no other option than to be honest, he still chose to lie and convince me that I'm crazy. And we are working on that. But when backed into a corner about his choices, he has proven that he will lie until I continue to push him about it. It took him almost two full years to finally admit that he made some really bad choices about the affair. He's still yet to actually say to me, "Yes, what I did was cheat on you. And I'm sorry for cheating. I will do everything and anything to prove to you that it's you I love and how sorry I am for hurting you. I will do anything to prove to you that it won't ever happen again!" What I have finally gotten from him is that "he does still love me, that's why he chose me. And how deeply sorry he is for the decisions he made. And that all he can do is prove it to me every day."

I just want to make sure I have all the facts, so when I ask him, if he chooses once again to deny it, then I can know that I'm making the best decision for me based on the evidence.