Final update: okay guys you’ve at least made me reschedule I have to admit it’s hard, but they luckily said no u/s was needed so I can look forward to going in for a normal check up basically. I like legit had a off day yesterday I have bad days of sadness and good days which are more than the sad. Stress and being unemployed I’m a stahm for now doesn’t make things easy. Thanks again guys.

Update 1: so I’ve literally told my obgyn clinic I’ll make my mind up day of, already said I was gonna rescheduled if I feel like I should, I also told them I wasn’t going due to my sadness and didn’t feel like dealing with being poked and prodded and having a ultrasound if I wasn’t going to see anything besides an empty uterus, I told my SO the only way I’d go is if I got 3 dollar tests and they all came with a dark positive as we’ve ttc since 4 days after d&e. I told him that’s the only way I will be beaming again, if we can bring a healthy baby home. I blame myself because I couldn’t save our baby and my son’s sibling. I have a hard time dealing with my sadness and emotional state in public. He told me he wasn’t mad and he said he wouldn’t make me go if I didn’t feel like I was gonna be okay at my appointment. Anyways sorry for blabbing I know you probably just don’t care and think I’m ungrateful but I’m seriously upset and this whole month hasn’t been the best I’m hoping it’ll get better

Probably gonna cancel I want our baby back I want a healthy baby unless we might be pregnant which I’m buying some dollar store tests cuz Walmart is a hit or miss, if it’s positive great I’ll go and make sure it’s a new pregnancy if not never mind. I’d rather get emotional at home than in a clinic the only thing I’ll ask them about is my medication for adhd which has to be authorized. I regret my d&e because I couldn’t get closure by having her ashes.