Is this normal?

Ok I'm not gonna go in details but I have been raped multiple times in my life and by two different people 1st was a neighbour and 2nd was my cousin's anyway, it was when I was really young like 4 and then when i was 5. Anyway my question is, is it bad that every time a boy touches me my brain freaks out and is it bad everytime I get out a relationship I need to make someone touch me so they couldn't be the last? I don't know whether it's a bad or good thing that at 15 turning 16 I'm trying to up my body count X thanks if you respond