Alright so some people may find this a bit ridiculous of me to post. If you have any negative feelings please keep them to yourself and move on to the next topic or post. Please only positive talk on here.

I've struggled with severe mental illness (PTSD, anxiety and panic attacks, depression etc.) For approximately four years now. Since being diagnosed, I've been on all sorts of therapies and medications to manage it. But, I still find myself growing so anxious and self conscious, and it feels so out of my hands sometimes.

I am used to being teeny tiny. I am only five feet tall, so my healthy BMI weight caps around 125lbs. I have always been at a healthy weight, hovering around a good 110 lbs.

However, ever since my mental health issues, I've slowly put on weight and am so uncomfortable.

The medications I am on are a major contribution to my weight gain, but without them my emotions and positive thoughts are just in the shi**er. So, I have tried dieting and exercising. I cut out soda. I buy low fat, low/no sodium foods, I never eat fast food and I have increased my water intake. no processed foods unless it is cheese, I can't stay away! However I am still sitting here at 160 lbs and I HATE IT.

I know it's the medications...I've tried holistic alternatives and cbd and essential oils to manage my anxiety, which they do help, but it's my night terrors and depression that I still need my meds for. and of course, are the culprits for my weight gain.

I cannot increase my workout regimen because I just had severe spinal cord surgery on the beginning of Sept. I'm in bending, lifting and twisting restrictions and doing strictly muscle strengthening exercises using my own body weight right now. Literally the only thing I can do is walk.

I don't want to shower with my SO anymore because I don't want him to see me naked and struggling to wash my own "ugly" overweight body (my own words and feelings , NOT his). We aren't anywhere near as flirtatious or sexy with each other as we used to be. And I don't know what to do.

Does anybody have any suggestions...

P.s.

I am unable to do simple stretching techniques in yoga because of my spinal cord disorder. It affects my mobility and my balance 😖