Dreading my Baby Shower

**WARNING: VENTING AHEAD!!**

I'm dreading my baby shower next week. I didn't want to have one in the first place, but my mother insisted on throwing one, but hasn't done any prep/planning (instead, relying on me to plan and make everything from decorations to party favors).

Part of the reason is because my older sis (who has BPD and is a heroin addict) lives with her and any mention of me/my accomplishments/things normal people would be happy about, sends big sis into a rageful fit where she just yells at and complains to my mom.

A few months ago, I found her nearly ODed in moms car and took the drugs away, so she attacked me (knowing I'm pregnant). I decided to stop speaking to her and seeing her for safety. But my mom feels like I'm the one "breaking up the family" and "she needs support to stay clean". I suggested she join a support group or therapy. I've explained to my mom that the lifelong pattern of abuse, guilt, manipulation & emotional terror from my sister is done and I'm doing what makes sense for my wellness and safety (boundaries have been routinely ignored by her, so no contact was the only way).

Mom keeps guilt-tripping me to make amends with her--the abuser, who has never accounted for her behavior, let alone apologize--and 'stop being stubborn'. My mom keeps excusing her behavior like "she was high" or "that happened so long ago, why are you bringing it up?"...

I finally caved to pressure and told mom "look, I'm not going to go out of my way to invite her, but I won't go out of my to avoid her either. If she's around, Ill be civil, but that's it." So my mom invited her to the shower, and must have gotten the 3rd degree from sister, because she called me all mad that I didn't personally reach out to her with an invitation!! So I'm an asshole for putting my safety first, I'm an asshole for not tolerating abusive crazy-making, and when I finally caved to the guilt trips, I'm STILL the asshole because I didn't reach out my abuser to invite them to an event I don't even want them to be at....

I can't fucking win with my family. I'm really disappointed that I let myself be worn down and I'm really sad that my mom is just so enmeshed she defends this behavior at all costs.

I'm really nervous about the shower next week. These cortisol levels aren't good for me and the baby.