Teaching to share?????

Question

When do you START to teach your child to share? 
My S/O & I got into a huge fight because he lets our almost 2yr old daughter to whatever she wants, whenever. He thinks everything is cute and he always makes me the bad guy. 
I try to teach my daughter manors already. Obviously you can't expect them to learn & get it right away but the idea in teaching is planting the seed in their mind so they can begin to understand right?! & obviously when a toddler doesn't get their way, they're going to throw a fit, right?!
Tonight I sat on the floor to color with my daughter, I was trying to get her to mellow down before we got ready for bed. I had 3 crayons- she took them from me in a very entitled selfish mean way so I told her that was mean & that she needs to learn to share. I asked her if I could use a crayon, she refused. When she put the crayons down I reached for one. Well she screamed bloody murder, had such a huge fit. 
My husband got so pissed off at me saying why am I making her cry, the neighbors are hearing her scream blah blah blah & for me to just give her, her way. 
Thoughts?

Answer

We started immediately. Our son is 17 months and we talk about being kind, sharing, following rules, being polite, etc. We had him say “thank you” to every candy stop at the zoo boo event. We praise him when he shares his crackers with us. People tell us how well behaved he is. Sure he has his regular old kid moments, but we set the expectations before he even knew what was happening. I see my SIL trying to reteach our 7 year old nephew. No thanks. We’ll start from little.

Answer

I think it is tough because of their developmental level. They don’t really understand what it is to be mean or selfish. However I don’t think that they should get their way. My daughter is 15 months and I praise her when she offers things, even if she wants it right back, and we don’t give her everything she demands. She understand there are things she can’t do and places she can’t go but still throws fits sometimes. Toddlers throw fits and are selfish by nature but that doesn’t mean they should get their way.

Answer

Whoa ho ho, your hubby needs a reality check fast quick!!
I have two toddlers. This is just how I personally feel and view “when” we should teach manners:
From the moment they can yank a toy out of someone else’s hand. 
I don’t care if they aren’t talking, walking and/or “self aware” yet- you as the parent are setting examples from every action or inaction you do. These little humans are so incredibly smart. They absorb everything. 
I don’t yell at my toddlers, I always, in a gentle but firm voice, remind them relentlessly to share. But I also say why it’s so important to share. Do I end up saying this all day long? Yup. 
Are my kids mostly well behaved in public towards their playmates? Yup. Is it exhausting to repeat yourself over and over agin? Yup. Is it my responsibility to teach my children good manners? Yup. 
Now mind you, it is different dealing with a 14 month old who you won’t necessarily get them to share because at that age, sharing isn’t something they ever would want to do. But I did it then as well. I would do gentle reminders. I try once to see if they can be distracted with another toy or activity,  it if that doesn’t work, then it’s totally fine. 
But a 2 year old, she is def old enough to know. I have a 20 month old. Does she know how you share? Yup. Why? Because I’ve been doing this since day one.

Answer

A little after age (15/16months) one we started using the word share in the context of “you can’t take something someone else has” that’s the only thing I really enforce at this age (currently 20 mo). Other than that I praise him for being a good sharer anytime he offers me something or hands me something I ask for & I encourage but don’t force sharing in other ways... like pointing out how he can play with another child. Like at the park he took his ball & another LO wanted to play with it. I tried encouraging him to play toss & catch so they could both play. It worked for a couple tosses but he decided he just wanted the ball to himself 🤷🏻‍♀️ which is ok. 
If my LO took the crayons from me, I’d tell him no also. I’d probably give him the option of coloring alone or sharing with mom. I use that with other kids as well “we have to play nice with friends or we’ll have to go home & play by ourself”

Answer

My two year old shares and tells others to share. It’s common place to teach them before they start interacting with others so they have the same social skills as their peer group.

Teaching to share?????

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