I’m really not sure how to process all of this..... and I figured this would be the best place for me to get some words of wisdom and advice from fellow moms who may have gone through this as well.... bare with me as this may be a long post, it may not, I’m really not sure.... I’m just typing as things pop in my head......

I’m not really sure where to start, but here it goes....

So I’m 20+2 wks today, and yesterday at our anatomy scan they found 2 calcified masses on our perfect little bean.... the first was near his stomach, which isn’t as big of a concern as it can be removed after birth with no issues as long as long as it’s not cancerous..... however.... the second was a calcified mass in a ventricle of his brain.... and we were given very low odds of baby surviving to term, and if he does make it to term, an almost certain death sentence very shortly after birth.... but were told everything else on our baby boys development was perfectly normal with a steady HR of 140.... and I just don’t know what to do or how to process all of this information..... this is our 3rd child, oldest is almost 7 and youngest is 1.5.... I’m really not sure what I want to get out of this post..... I just don’t know... I don’t know how to handle the information that has been thrown at us halfway through what we all thought was a normal pregnancy.... I guess I’m looking for some support from other mothers who have been given information like this halfway through a pregnancy.... how do you prepare yourself for a fetal loss when you still feel baby kicking and moving around? How do you prepare yourself to go through the entire birthing process (ours is required c section due to an emergency c section with our first) only to not bring baby home? How do you explain to your 7yr old that the brother he has longed for won’t be coming home after the loss? (We don’t plan on telling him until it happens, if that’s even the right thing to do?) how do you continue to get up everyday and care for your family as normal when it feels like your world is crashing around you and all you want to do is hide under a rock until you wake up from this nightmare? How do you prepare to burry an infant? How and when do you tell all of your family and friends?? Has anyone out there even been through something similar, where you are told so far in that your child has an almost certain death sentence? Not to mention, my husband has already stated that if/when something goes wrong he wants to try again for another, but I can’t even think that far ahead..... I can’t even wrap my head around the fact that I’m going to lose a child that is almost big enough to survive outside the womb, let alone trying to get pregnant again after a loss, and I feel like we are on completely separate chapters when dealing with this, I feel like he has already accepted the fact that we will never get to bring our sweet, innocent baby home or or hear him laugh for the first time, or take his first steps, or celebrate his first birthday while I’m over here still feeling our little bean kick knowing that one day I may wake up and not feel those kicks anymore...... I’m just so lost and confused 😐.... at times I feel numb, at times I cry my eyes out.... I just don’t know how to deal.... or where to start dealing with all of this. I give so many condolences to any mother who has ever lost a child at any point in gestation or their short little lives. And thank you to all the mothers who have stuck around to the end of this rambling post..... I just didn’t know where else to turn to for help or advice or support as I feel like my own husband doesn’t understand what I’m feeling right now.