Hypo-Sexual Desire Disorder

I have HSDD.

Hypo-sexual desire disorder

If you haven't heard of it, please look it up.

1 in 10 US women have been diagnosed. I'm still waiting for the official diagnosis, though I already know.

HSDD is not just being asexual, though that is a misconception. It's when you want to have sex, but you have lost desire to actually do so. You want desperately to please your partner, but you can't think of the dirty words, or you feel as though your body has betrayed you.

I feel as though my mind has betrayed me. I've been looking for answers for so long as what happened. What killed my sex drive, what destroyed my desire for practically EVERYTHING at this point. I feel like less than a woman, less than a person, a horrible partner.

I heard the song Happier a few days ago in my car, "I've been thinking lately, I want you to be happier." I started balling. I feel such guilt for my lack of sexual interest that I started considering if divorce was an option, just so my husband could find a partner that could please him. I WANT to have sex with my husband, I WANT to please him, I WANT TO GET MYSELF OFF DAMN IT. I only masterbate now when I talk myself into it, and even then I could take it or leave it.

We used to have a crazy sex life. With girlfriends, threesomes, foursomes, more-somes; parties, sex clubs; you name it. We had 1 kid and my drive went down, after the 2nd, it's gone. I try, but it's gone.

If you made it this far, thank you for hearing my story.