Hey guys...I’ve been debating bringing an issue up with my husband because it’s a bit sensitive. However, I’m feeling like I’m not getting enough space and I’m having to do a lot of extra work on top of caring for my newborn.

Here’s the situation...

My husband’s mother lives across the country and works for an airline so she gets to fly basically for free. She has never really been present at all in my husband’s adult life until we had our little one. Despite being able to fly for free, she hardly ever reached out to visit him, but now that our LO is here she has been overstepping a bit.

When our baby was born she had told us she made plans to come into town for a few days to be here for the birth. The day before she came, she casually mentioned staying in our basement (we do not have a finished basement, but there happens to be a bed down there. It’s concrete floors and dungeon-like. We do not consider it guest quarters by any means. It was originally put there for friends who may have had one too many drinks and needed to crash, that’s it.)

Being that I am a first time mom, I delicately and politely asked if she would find somewhere else to stay when our LO was born because I wanted space to bond as a family and to find our rhythm. She was hurt, but understood and did as I asked. She wound up hanging around our house quite a bit after we brought baby home, but went home at night.

She texted my husband as soon as she landed back at her home town and TOLD him she would be flying back to our town for a few days. My husband asked me if that was ok for her to come, but she never even asked if she could stay with us...she just assumed. I agreed because I’m glad they are developing a relationship, and I want my LO to know her grandmother...but I feel it is stressful hosting her.

I didn’t put too much effort into making the basement super nice...just clean sheets and cleaned up, and swept. Honestly, being that I’m alone with a newborn all the time that’s all I had time to do. I figured she knew what she was getting into.

I thought it would be nice having an extra set of hands, but it turned out to be a full on hosting situation. We cooked for her, accommodated her dietary preferences (she didn’t ask me to buy snacks she enjoys, but when she was here last she simply didn’t eat because we didn’t have things she liked...so I made sure to have some things on hand because she has no car or anything. I just feel a bit obligated...she is my MIL and while I love her, she does silently judge).

My husband had to drive her to the airport and whatever...not a big deal normally but we have a newborn and it’s just one more thing to do. Not to mention my husband works 59 hours a week and he is a student with a heavy workload.

She just left today, and texted me that she has a flight to come back in 2 weeks. She did not ask me, she told me. I love her but if this is going to be once a month (like it has been so far), I’m going to get overwhelmed.

She isn’t even particularly helpful when she’s here. She just cuddles my baby and takes pics of her. I asked her to help with a bath but she just stood there. She follows me around everywhere, every time I leave the room to change a diaper...everywhere.

I’m not really sure what to do since it is a bit of a delicate situation. I’ve casually mentioned to my husband that it seems she plans to come once a month, or at least pretty frequently, but he doesn’t see a problem. I’m the one who mainly takes care of baby so I guess maybe it doesn’t bother him as much as it does me. I’m also the one who does the grocery shopping, cleaning and laundry...which are all things that become more difficult while she’s here.

I’ve thought about asking her to help more but she’s a bit sensitive and cried when I asked her not to stay with us after delivery...I felt terrible about it. What would you all do? I definitely want her around, but it seems excessive and a bit inconsiderate that she is t even asking me or helping out at all. Like suddenly she gives a shit about us because we had a baby but hasn’t been there for my husband for the past 30 years of his life.