Porn, Jerking Off, and Lying

(THIS IS PRETTY LONG, SORRY!)

I’m gonna be as open and honest as possible, as this is something that I really want to fix/work on. Thanks everyone!

A month ago I saw on my boyfriends phone, when he let me use it, that he watches porn. Being a worried idiot, I checked his browser history and found that he watches multiple videos a day, almost every day, way more than we had sex. Some days he watched it were days that we did have sex which confused me because he works a full time job then comes right home so like, when is he having the time to do that, ya know? I talked to him about the porn, because it bothered me that he watched it and he said he never thought to say anything because it wasn’t a problem in his last relationship so he just assumed we’d be the same. I asked him how often he watched it, and he said maybe once or twice a week and the last time he did was a week or so ago, which was a lie because there were a bunch of videos in the history for 4 days in a row, from that week alone (issue 1: he lied about how often he watched porn) He also said he’d stop watching porn, if it bothered me so much. The reason for it bothering me was that it made me feel like he’d rather watch porn/jerk off, than have sex with me. That can make a girl really self conscious, ya know. I told him that and he understood where I was coming from. I wasn’t blaming him for my insecurities but finding that out didn’t help. Then a few days after or so, he went to the bathroom with his phone and I heard what sounded very much like him jerking off for a while, then shower. He did this for a few days, and he’d come out and just go right to sleep. We wouldn’t have sex those days, and that happened for a little over a week. He never tried to touch me, even when I made it clear by touching, flirting, all our normal “I’m really turned on” things. He just kept chuckling and saying he was tired. I confronted him about jerking off and he said he’d never do that, had no reason to because I was right there, and that it was him putting lotion on his feet, to which I responded, before you shower? That makes not sense and he goes well yeah, if they’re really bad that day I do. (Issue 2: lied about jerking off with a bs excuse) I had to pretend to buy it because I could feel myself getting angry because that was just such a bs excuse. Why would you lotion your feet BEFORE you shower, it’s make your feet slippery. Also you don’t lotion your feet super fast and grunt and exhale a lot but whatever. After that, he started playing music when he went in the bathroom every now and then, or he’d go when I wasn’t in the bedroom (we have an en suite so the bed is like 6 feet from the bathroom door). A little while after, I checked his phone history again, still paranoid that he was lying and I found he was not watching porn videos anymore, but he was going through a ton of porn comics, and this was almost every day. That bothered me still, not as much as the videos but if you’re looking at porn stuff, you’re gonna jerk off. (Issue 3: still looking at porn stuff and possible jerking off) That was about 3-4 weeks ago. Last night I took another quick peek at his browser history because a few nights before (Tuesday), I heard what sounded like jerking off again, after it had been a while since I heard it. As I’d assumed, more porn comics. A bunch from Monday and Tuesday was all I was able to see super quickly. I hate feeling this way and being a snoopy and not trusting but it just hurts my feelings that he does this. It’s not like we have bad sex, it’s really good and fun, but it just seems like it or I am not good enough for him and he still feels the need to seek external pleasure. It wouldn’t bother me as bad if he was doing this pictures or videos of my but he’s looking at all the cartoons and stuff. He’s also been a bit more clingy with his phone. He used to just leave it lying around anywhere anytime but now he keeps it in his pocket for the most part or takes it with him if he leaves the room sometimes. It just makes me really sad.

I’m not really sure what to do, I don’t want to tell him that I looked through his history but I also want to have a conversation about this and he be totally honest with me but I feel like he won’t. I’m a super understanding person and he knows that. We’ve been together for about 10 months now. Anyone with advice or help, drop it below. Ive reached out to a sex/relationship therapist as well because I really don’t want this is ruin our relationship. I just want to feel like I can trust him again and like he’s not lying to me.

If you made it this far, thanks, I appreciate you :)