I think I have Postpartum Depression...

I haven’t been diagnosed. I haven’t even been to anybody to get it checked. (Not even sure how they would check..)

However, I think I have Postpartum Depression.. how do I know? Well, for the past year (how long it’s been since I had my baby boy), I have not felt like myself. This is not to say that just because I do not do the things I used to, I am no longer myself. I understand that becoming a mother is a life-changing event. Of course I can no longer hang out with family and drink all night. Of course I can no longer decide to just go out to dinner, just me and my man, on a whim. Of course I can no longer think of only me. These are areas where people are usually prepared to experience change.

What I was not prepared for, was; slowly losing interest in even wanting to do any of those things, slowly losing my desire to create anything (I love to make things, and have an Etsy page dedicated to it), and even losing what I considered to be traits of my personality..

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my boy!

He is by far the best thing that’s happened to me since meeting my man! My little boy will be one next month. He is learning so much (despite me being a sack of potatoes on the couch all day). And he is so strong and smart and handsome!

But...

I don’t remember when I last showered (some day last week).. and I don’t have any desire to shower anytime soon..

I have rosacea on my cheeks that has been there since getting pregnant, that just gets dry and sore..

I have no energy for the most part of the week, and when I get a small burst, it doesn’t last very long..

I feel like sleeping through most of my day, but know that I shouldn’t because I can’t do that to my man..

I want so badly to feel better and to feel like myself again.. but I don’t remember what that even feels like..

My weight gain during pregnancy hasn’t helped.. the number on the scale does not bother me.. but the size of my ‘still looks 6 months pregnant’ belly does.. the fact that I only feel comfortable in size XL men’s sweats is depressing..

There is much more I could say on this topic.. and for those of you who have read this far, thank you for listening to my ramblings. I just needed to get this off my chest..