Is it normal to feel this way?

Question

I’ve been happily married for almost 3 years. My husband is a wonderful man and husband. We have our disagreements (like every couple - never anything serious) and sometimes we don’t talk for a few hours. During those few hours, I’m miserable. I feel like my world has collapsed, I even feel like I want to die. It sounds dramatic but that’s truly how I feel when we aren’t talking. I suffer a lot when this happens, I’m not asking for sympathy, just simply for some advice. I need help in regulating my emotions because these thoughts and feelings are really taking a toll. Again, none of our arguments are serious, we have a healthy and balanced relationship. 
Really in need of some help please. Thank you.

Answer

Oh just to add too... I’m not sure if this would help you (in the meantime at least) but this is something my husband and I started doing like a week into our relationship, and we definitely don’t as much anymore because I’ve gotten more secure since we’ve gotten married (lol) but when we first started dating I’d often get paranoid that he didn’t like me anymore or was going to break up with me for stupid reasons, like... he didn’t text me back for a couple hour or he was giving one word answers. And I know that’s super paranoid and unfair to him... he shouldn’t have to text me 24/7 so I can feel secure. But I was honest and told him how I felt sometimes but that he was under no obligation to continue texting me if he was busy or anything, but then he came up with kind of a code for us. He made a comparison to me “going down the rabbit hole” (when I read too much into a situation and get paranoid lol) so every time I’d feel like that i’d just text him “I’m rabbit holing” and he’d respond INSTANTLY saying something like “nothing to worry about! I’m busy with friends right now but I’ll text you at 6, and I still love you!” Which made it so he doesn’t have to text me, but I would know it was nothing against me. Was I crazy paranoid? Yes lol. But for very little effort on his part, he could calm that paranoia. 
Maybe come up with something like this. Like even when you argue you can maybe come up with a code word that means “I still love you, just give me a few hours” ?

Answer

I get you, I was the same way when I started talking to my now-husband. We were LDR 5,000 miles away, 11 hour time difference on the two suedes of the planet. I was going through a depression and him taking too long to respond or not texting me first time when he wakes up used to send me into the darkest places in my mind. I was expecting him to change his mind about me every second of the day. And it was like this for 8 months. Even though I knew he loves me I couldn’t shake the feeling that he’ll change his mind. Eventually I realized he doesn’t need to talk to me all the time, and just because he isn’t talking to me doesn’t mean his feelings are gone. I used to tell myself that those feelings don’t just go away in the split of a second. Now after we got married I encountered another problem. We both hate confrontation so whenever we have a disagreement he would shut down and not talk to me, while I like to talk about things he likes to think and take his time. It used to kill me, I would go into another room and just cry because I’m those moments I felt alone. But the thing is when he’s thinking and when he’s quiet he’s isn’t thinking of whether he should leave me or not, he’s just going over just happened. And I talked to him and explained that his silence is very hard for me so we’re both trying to reach middle ground. He’ll try to talk to me and I try to give him some space. To be honest in those moments when he chooses to be quiet I tend to just hug him without saying anything. I feel like it shows him that I’m not mad at him. It works because he’s a sucker for cuddles and it doesn’t take long for him to break the silence. You just need to find a way to make those moments easier for both of you. Communicate and explain how irresponsible you feel!!! Women sometimes overthink things, and we need the voice of reason.

Answer

You should definitely seek therapy for yourself. It’s normal and healthy to take some time to cool off after an argument, and you should be able to handle that without feeling THAT horrible. Please get some help to figure out why that’s so bad for you :(

Answer

I used to rip myself apart when my husband and I would argue about the stupidest shit. It's hard feeling like the person who means the most to you is mad at you and doesn't want to speak to you. I honestly don't have good advice. It's not normal per say but it does happen. It took years for me to get better with this. We've been together 9 years. Men don't think or feel like we do. So eventually when this would happen I just started changing the subject and talk about something else to break the ice type thing. It helps alot. I normally revert to food. I'll be like ok, anyway! Want a snack? And I forgot about what just happened.

Is it normal to feel this way?

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