I’m struggling

So about a month ago we had an unexpected positive pregnancy test. We weren’t trying but we were planning on trying for our second around the holidays so we were pleasantly surprised. I had 2 hcgs drawn to confirm and then had a dating/viability ultrasound and first appointment about 2 weeks ago, at approximately 7 weeks gestation. Baby had a heartbeat but was measuring small by about a week- my doctor was not concerned just kind of said my dates could be off since my period wasn’t regular cuz I’m still breastfeeding my son. She wanted me to come back at about ten weeks for another ultrasound and the genetic screening.

This Monday night I started bleeding / spotting. I called in on Tuesday and of course she wasn’t in and she had me come in yesterday for an ultrasound. Baby no longer had a heart beat and stopped growing around 6 weeks. I found this out on my sons first birthday. We were devastated. My OB gave us 3 options: let my body do its thing, miso or have a d&c.

Since my body was continuing to bleed I asked her if I could let my body do it naturally. But now I’m just waiting for it to happen and having some cramps but nothing what she described. I am wondering if I am doing the right thing? My sons first birthday party is Sunday and I am afraid it’s going to happen then. I reached out to my OB to see what the recovery was like and how quickly i could schedule it if that’s what i ended up deciding.

I know I am still processing what is happening. And I am grateful I have my little boy. But has anyone had to make this decision? And what did you decide? Where you able to start trying again after a d&c va a natural miscarriage?

I know this is long. Thank you for reading.

I know it’s not my fault but i can’t help in feel that it is.