I just don’t know what to do anymore...

My husband has recently witnessed something scary in his life, this has affected him in many ways. He has been to see a doctor and is now taking some calming medication.

He doesn’t realise how sharp he is with me and I feel like while he is being this way that if I say one thing that he doesn’t agree with or doesn’t like he will just snap. I’ve tried talking to him but because of the situation he is in right now he doesn’t see it the way I do.

I love him so much and I know he loves me too but he is struggling to show this. He took the tablets the other night and they make him sleepy, he went to bed whilst I stayed downstairs and he text me to say that he is sorry that he doesn’t always show how he appreciates me and explained that he is having a difficult time at the moment and that he is sorry for taking it out on me. He said sorry again and told me that he loves me.

The thing is last night we went to see our local fireworks and something happened suddenly to make him feel like there was going to be an argument between us and he said he just wants to have a nice evening, I didn’t respond and felt that perhaps if I just continue to watch the bonfire it will be okay. However, I didn’t feel okay, I felt awkward and I wasn’t enjoying myself at all. I was lost in myself, not knowing how to support him without him feeling like I’m going to make him feel small in any way.

He suddenly turned away from me and said I’ve had enough looking at this fire now, I followed him to see if he was okay, I called him and he didn’t respond to me (he said he couldn’t hear me so I understand this). But he suddenly said I hate being married to you, you’re a c**t. He walked away, knowing I had no phone but I did have his keys to his car in my bag.

I made my way through the crowds to get to his car hoping he will be there, and there he was standing at his car looking drained staring at the bonfire from a distance.

I’m also struggling through this because he doesn’t realise that he is pushing me away so much and that he is different. It’s like because he doesn’t understand himself he is unable to understand me. I’m trying to put my emotions to one side and make him a priority but I’m struggling so much and I just don’t know what to do.

I’m very hurt, I find myself driving home from work crying, waking up with no smile upon my face. I feel miserable but not being with my husband, despite everything I still feel all the love for my husband he is just struggling to find himself, he is struggling with these obstacles that have gotten in the way, but what if he continues to lose himself? What if this is how it will be? I can’t lose him, he is my best friend, I’m just stuck I can’t support him in any way, I can’t ever give up on him.

It scares me because depression is more known these days than what it was in the past, but people give up on themselves through this and I’m just scared that he gives up. I’ve told him that I am here to support him and reminded him that he can talk to me about anything but if he doesn’t want to talk to me that there are other people who are there to help him if he needs it.

Please someone I need some advice on how I can deal with this situation. 🙏🏻