Newish to Oral

I don’t know how to start this off, but in total I’ve had 3 sexual partners.

The first one made me despise oral sex because of a comment he made and shared with a current girlfriend who hated me thinking it wouldn’t get back to me. (It was something that would lower your self esteem) I only went down on him, he never went down on me. DISCLAIMER: I was his ex at this time and he never cheated with me, but she felt like I was a threat apparently.

The second partner made me hate oral because he would force oral sex on me. He didn’t make me go down on him against my will, but he would go down on me sometimes against my will.

My third and current partner respected the fact that I never wanted to have oral sex because I was uncomfortable with it. On my own, I became comfortable enough to go down on him (Apparently I’m better at it than his ex’s 😏) But this isn’t the part that I’m new to. We tease each other during sex all the time, and he decided to go down on me. Surprisingly, I didn’t hate it, and felt okay with him doing it despite the past.

The issue is, I feel insecure about the taste/smell down there. I shower every single day, and I use water to clean down there since you aren’t supposed to use harsh chemicals/scented things, and my best friend has worked at a clinic and said to never use things like Summer’s eve or whatever it’s called. How do you get over that feeling? What worked for you personally? Also, I feel insecure about the fact that when he goes down on me, he gets me really close to an orgasm, and I don’t want to cum in his mouth. What is your experience with that?

If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.