I'm not sure if this needs a tw or anything, but it deals with an emotionally abusive ex. I'm mostly wanting to vent. I spent 4 years married to my ex, but our problems started in the year we dated. I was only and far from confident as it seemed most guys just like me for my looks. Anyways, by the end I had given my animals to my parents, made shi many excuses my friend stopped asking me to hang out, & even had to make up reasons why my parents couldn't see me or my son. We also moved so I didn't have anyone nearby and when he got out of the military I went from stay at home mom to the only one working. As a SAHM I had my son on solid food, plenty of time outside, and played and read to him a lot along with all the cooking and cleaning. I went to work when he was 9 months & my ex stopped giving him solids and kept him in the dark in front of the TV. This didn't change when we moved except there was more light. He would play games and ignore our son & I still did all the cooking and cleaning after work. If I said anything he made me feel like crap and I was a horrible mother anytime my son got hurt. I was an awful wife bc I didn't get to know him or care what he wanted. I was a cheater when I tried to talk to guy friends on social media and when I talked to his friend that lived with us. When I finally decided to leave he said he made me work to "make me see how he felt" when he was the one working. I've dealt with a lot of my issues okay and finally gotten my son on track. It broke my heart after the first couple months seeing all the damage I had to fix that had been done to him. It's been over a year and next week is meditation to finally get divorced. He still wants to have a say in my son's life & doesn't want to pay child support. He still also texts me when he's depressed or to tell me he's "happy knowing he tried to make me happy." I ignore him and tell him I can't help him, but he still does it. Then I realized today how relieved I was to know that mediation meant we'd be in different rooms and a mediator would go between us. I don't think I have the courage still to face him. Thanks for reading all this. I just didn't know how to admit this to anyone I'm close to.