Not looking forward to the holidays

I have a 7 year old little girl and a year ago i have another baby girl she passed away when she was 2 mouth old due to health issues she had before she was born I find out when I was 19 week that she had health issue she was early but she make it for 2 moths before she passed my husband and I talk about having another one I just am heartbroken when it turns out that I'm not pregnant but this morning man told me that she had a dream that I was pregnant with a little boy so I'm hoping that this might be the time that I get to have another little baby I have three days before starting. And I'm just hoping that I don't that would be the best Christmas present because when I was pregnant and stuff with my daughter my mother-in-law was not able to be there when I actually had her so when this would give us something to look forward to no breaks my heart when I have to take that pregnancy test and I see negative or not pregnant just breaks my heart cuz I really want another baby but only God knows when that'll be