It's just so tough sometimes... I need to know I'll be okay


Three and a half months ago I drew the line and ended a psychologically and verbally abusive relationship. Right now in the process of filing for divorce. Meanwhile found out he was cheating and obviously manipulating me... i paid his way through his MA in clinical psychology... only to find out 2'5yrs into the marriage and (7'5yrs together) that what he is is a psychopath not a psychologist... i was the perfect love of his life until i left my job and he spent all my savings. Then, he just calmly told me like it was the most natural thing in the world: "i dont love you and dont want to have kids with YOU". It's as if I had done something to him... anyway... I put my life back on track and have been really busy enjoying life and redescovering myself... but, sometimes, God, it is sooooo hard!!! I just end up feeling angry and just want to pluck his eyes with my own bare hands, I, who have never ever done anything but love him and give him all of myself and whaz I had. How do I get rid of this feeling? He threathened me with death even and I just was shocked and paralyzed... I mean, I left this person fearing for my life.... he doesnt know where I live... I know this is all just a stream of consciousness and really disorganized piece of writing, but, how did you ladies deal with a bad breakup? With trauma? With the guilt? How did you learn to love and value yourself again after verbal abuse, humiliation, emotional blackmail, psychological abuse... ??? In the end, I always tell myself thank you God for this important lesson, but, in times like these... when I can't sleep... all I think about it revenge... it is hard to lift my frequency up.