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Only a temporary parent never the real thing.

Bre • Sat, Nov 16

My husband and I have been dealing with infertility for 2 years now. We have done the

, clomid, and supplements with no success. Finally we was done waiting to get pregnant and decided to get our foster license and do the adoption class so we would be able to adopt. We got our first placement. They was with us for 2 months, it was 3 boys. Ages 10, 5, and 16 months. It also took over a week to get the youngest boys age because the mom did not know it. All 3 boys was born with meth in their system. They had learning disabilities and behavioral issues. They was with us for another drug related issues and we was told there was a high possibility of adoption. Well 2 weeks in we have asked about news and what was going on multiple times with no answer. Got ahold of a supervisor and was finally told they had a hearing 2 days after we received the boys and it was already decided they would go back to their parents. We still loved them and got attached even when trying not too. We finally got them on a schedule and got them use to sleeping in there own beds and not on the floor to which they was use too. Two days ago they went back and when handing them to the bio dad I'm saying sorry this all happened and he says "it's okay their use to this" my heart is broken, they should never have to be use to moving from house to house with strangers and be in fb taken from parents. Now more than ever the house feels lonely. It's quiet, the dogs cry, and I cry. I miss them and that spot in our hearts that was temporarily filled is now empty again. We once again are doing the never ending

cycle and supplements. I know it was a good thing helping that family and caring for those 3 boys but I'm forever feeling like a temporary parent and I'll never get to be the real thing.