Sleep deprived

Alison, 🌈 👶🏻 born 7/26/19

I love my three and a Half month old baby girl so much. She’s our rainbow. But sometimes I think to myself what did I do. I miss my old life so much. Being able to sleep 8 hours straight without having to answer to someone else, watch a movie snuggled in bed , ... I’m so exhausted I feel like I can’t be present for her like I should be. I go to bed at 8 when she does ... my husband stays up with the monitor and does the late shift then I get up the rest of the night. She was doing better before — sleeping longer stretches ... now all of a sudden she goes to bed at 7::30 last night she woke at 9:30 then again at 1:30 then after feeding her and changing her she was up again an hour later just wanted to be held and rocked so I did. Then it took me over an hour to go back to sleep since now since having a baby I’ve developed insomnia ... here it is 4:30am and I she’s up again! Hardest part is not knowing what it is, is she cold diaper, gas? Just fed her another 2oz. I’ve now gotten a total of three hours of sleep. I’m 40 and although I really would like her to have a sibling I can’t see myself doing this again anytime soon. We don’t have family here to help so dropping her off at her grandparents isn’t an option. How did u Mamas handle sleep deprivation? I’m so exhausted I feel like I’m going to have a nervous breakdown. I haven’t had a good night sleep since July and wish she’d sleep threw the night already, or at least longer then three hours in the middle of the night. Help!