hi im raysel

im a 14 (turning 15 in april) year old and a freshman in high school. Im bisexual, and im not a virgin. About 7 months ago i broke up with my boyfriend who i claimed as my first love. Because of him i sent nudes for the first time and got caught (still grounded to this day), got suspended from school(for one day), lost a bunch of friends (cuz he didnt like them) and lost my virginity (which i didnt want to do). When we used to talk about sex i would tell him i was waiting for marriage.....he would call me stupid. I would tell him i wanna wait and he would say “u dont love me if u dont do it with me”. i was so blinded by the love.......i regret it now. He then would tell me i didnt trust him if i didnt send him pictures of my body. i used to think sending nudes was disgusting and wrong. but now all i think about is that i need to show my body for someone to love me. He would also yell at me...make me feel like shit, i would cry myself to sleep. He didnt know how much his words hurt me. My bestfriend would tell me he wasnt worth all my tears and hurting. so i broke up with him. a couple months after he called me. we talked and i wanted him back but i stopped myself. we acted as if we were friends but i didnt want to talk to him anymore. i blocked him on everything and he still found a way to contact me. this was the last day ive ever talked to him. the only words a remember are “try to find a guy that will love and accept you after they find out ur bi and not a virgin. im the only one”. i think he is right. i dated one guy after him and he cheated on me and broke me even more. i still dont know what love is and why?? whats so wrong about me that no one can seem to love me?