On November 8th I delivered my baby and during my delivery I didn't see my OB I got the on call doctor. He wasn't that friendly and seemed not to care much. He came in broke my water and pretty much told me I was night shifts problem. Well little did anyone realized is that when he broke my water that I would be delivering in 30mins. During delivery I tore with how quick I went. He didn't tell me how bad and didn't say much about it. Well I got told by the nurse it was a second degree and she didn't say much other then that and that my bleeding wasn't bad. Today at a little over a week I've been really easy with cleaning the area following my discharges paper work. But during my shower today I just felt extra nasty with not being able to "clean myself" like I normally would. So I cleaned myself how I use to and just was careful about the whole thing since all the stitches should be gone. But while I was cleaning I notice it didn't feel the same at all that when he stitched me that everything didn't go back to the way it was before. And I figured it wouldn't be exact but the fact that there is a bump that goes all the way back and that the vaginal hole feels like it goes farther back just makes me want to cry. Knowing that the way it feels isn't the same makes me want to hide it from my husband. And it makes me feel worse since I've been with the same guy since high school and I feel that way about it. Can someone share with me their experiences? I don't get to see my OB till the beginning of December for my first pp appointment.

Sorry for the long story and thanks in advance.