Begging for a mother's love...
I wish my mother loved me, I wish my mother wanted me, but she has made it very clear through her actions and words that she doesn't and probably never will.
She caught her ex-husband's brother sexually abusing me and didnt do anything. She throws it up in my face, saying what she would have did and I remind her that she didnt. She has fought on me for absolutely no reason at all. She always finds a way to ruin happy moments for me and make it about her. She has put me in so many situations that you should never put a kid in. She put me out at 4 months pregnant, ruined my pregnancy.
Fought me because I said I didnt want my brother watching my daughter because the let her play in a window screen on the third floor. Put us out and tried to keep our belongings to the point I had to get the police and courts involved. Told my grandmother (her mother) that she didnt care that my daughter didnt have anything that she was holding hostage when my grandma asked for her to give it back.
I could go on, but one thing I can say is that she cherishes the hell out of my brother and sister, whom disrespects her in private and in public. The same son who told me he's going to slap me, right in front of her. The same daughter that disrespects my SO, whom is the reason she had money for school and field trips because our mother didnt.
I tried to earn my mother's love through my accomplishments, I tried to buy my mother's love by spending my hard earned money on whatever she wanted.
I was never the favorite and I knew that since I was a child. I just wish I didnt have to go through so many heart breaks to learn it. It's fine, though.
I've cut her out of my life. I'm going to therapy to get the healing that I need to have the best mother-daughter relationship with my baby girl. 💖💕 I love her more than anything and refuse to put her through the same pain.