Fear of Death

I am suffering from PPD. It’s been 6 months now. It came in a form of fear. I did not know I had PPD, I did not know PPD causes fear. I thought I was just an over-worrying mom. First 3 months I was in constant fear and worry that something bad was going to happen to my baby. I do not know how but I have convinced myself that my baby will be okay, but then my mind turned on me. Now I constantly fear and worry that something really bad is going to happen to me. I’ve been having panic attacks for the past 3 months, thinking I’m going to die. First time I was convinced it was a heart attack, second time I thought a collapsed lung, then a stroke, then a blood clot, then a tumor.. the list goes on. I still suffer from intense fear of death till this minute. My most recent type of fear is fear of food. I fear that the food I’m eating is going to poison me then I’ll die. Today has been tough, I couldn’t continue my breakfast or lunch. Its midnight time here and I’m really hungry because I missed dinner. I am already underweight (I’ve lost a lot of weight from breastfeeding), and I really want to gain weight but I could not control my fear.

I feel so alone, I’m tired of this + I could not afford therapy.