I’m sad and guilty so I’m confessing to random strangers

Just a rant cuz this has been really bothering me for awhile but I’m scared to talk about this to my friends. Basically I’m in a relationship but have a crush on a friend. I feel so shit about it I wish I could just stop liking him but I’ve had a crush on him for about a year now. The fact that I like him doesn’t make me love my boyfriend any less, I still love and need my boyfriend more than anything and he’s my best friend and that just makes it worse. If I was actually losing interest in my boyfriend or something it’d make the problem easier to solve, but the way it is I feel like there is really no solution other than to just hope that my feelings for my friend go away because I’m not planning on leaving my boyfriend. For awhile I thought I finally had gotten over my crush on him but the last time I hung out with him he actually asked me if I liked him and that made me realize that I really still do. I froze up and got so awkward and didn’t answer his question so now he most likely knows the answer is yes which bothers me a lot and I cried about it for a couple days after that happened lol. I don’t know what to do about this I’ve been so depressed over it and have no one to talk to about it. My boyfriend is actually the one person I feel like I could talk to about it but I’m scared to hurt his feelings or make him feel like he’s not good enough or something :( and I’m scared if I told my friends they’d think really bad of me, I’ve literally been having nightmares about my friends or my crush finding out about this lol. It makes me feel like such a shit girlfriend but like my feelings are out of my control. I would never cheat or do anything close to cheating and never had the intentions to, I’ve been actively trying to keep my friend from even knowing that I like him at all. If I could force myself to stop liking him I would :( And I don’t know what to do about the fact that he might know. Because if he already knows I like him it might be good to clear things up because I don’t want him thinking I’m trying to get with him or something, like I’d like to kind of explain how I actually feel so he doesn’t make any assumptions. But if he actually never caught the fact that I liked him in the first place then I’m just exposing myself for no reason lol. I really don’t know what to do so uhhh guess I’m just gonna keep crying and feeling incredibly conflicted and guilty ✌️ Thanks for reading, if you have any advice it’d be greatly appreciated, if you’re just gonna comment to tell me I’m a shitty disloyal girlfriend there’s no need I’m already well aware okay gn I’m doing my best