Bit of background first.

I’ve been with him for 9 months, and in the first month he found out I’d been talking to boys. Not flirting, but I had male friends I would text, but because i didn’t tell him, he thought I was trying to hide them. It became a big deal and now I just don’t really talk to any men (unless they’re gay or I work with them.)

He made an argument with me last night because I don’t always tell him when men flirt with me. Men flirt with me kinda frequently, on transport or if I’m out for a drink with my mom for my girlfriends. But every time I told him about someone flirting with me, he would argue with me as if it was my fault, and frantically stalk me on social media for at least a week after.

Let me make it clear, I’ve never been unfaithful, and I don’t flirt with anyone at all.

Anyway, after that argument ended last night over dinner by me telling him if he doesn’t trust me that’s his problem not mine, and he got over it, we got back to his and started having sex. Really good sex.

Now, he’s been begging for anal for as long as we’ve been together, so last night I gave it to him. He said to me ‘are u sure u want to do this’, to which I replied ‘yes I want to give it to you.’

Well, he literally pushed me away (very painful by the way for those who don’t know) and moved away from me in the room. I was feeling so vulnerable and in so much pain I fell to the floor and began to cry. He was mad with me for saying I wanted to give it to him, because he said it should be enjoyed together or not at all. I said he should’ve asked, etc more arguing etc.

He became mean to me after that. I said I didn’t need anyone being mean to me, and I’m going to go. He said choose wisely, I said why? He said because if u go, don’t come back

Immediately he went for a shower, and I had time to contemplate if I was going to stay or go. Before I could make up my mind, he came back into the room and apologised

Later on he was still kinda mean, but also very loving, and now I feel bad because he’s feeling so down today

But also I know I don’t need to feel bad because I didn’t do anything

I’m struggling to find the line at which I’ve had enough

I suppose I’m looking for support or advice, I’ve been feeling so terrible about it today, and I’ve got all of my finals for my degree course this week, I can’t be thinking about this

Can anyone help me?

Thank you for reading if you got this far ❤️