I don’t want to feel this way. I’m trying so hard not to but it’s getting harder to tell myself that I’m ok. First we tried for 6 months to get pregnant and then I miscarried a week after I found out I was pregnant. We were so excited about that baby and then it was gone like it never even existed. That was almost two years ago and I haven’t gotten pregnant since. We’ve been trying for over two years now. I feel so left out in the world. My husband and I both have such strong urges to have kids of our own. Why would god give us such a strong want, only to leave us devastated because it hasn’t happened. Got my period a few days early today. I had gotten my hopes up again the cycle, like I do every month even though I try so hard not to. I had a baby shower to go to today and I got my period this morning. I’ve had so many friends start trying after us, who now have babies. It feels like every month I get my period on the day of a baby shower for example, or on a holiday, or just days after I’ve found out someone else is pregnant etc. It always feels so devastating. I’m trying so hard to remember god has a plan but it terrifies me to think that his plan simply may not be for us to have kids. Also if that is the case why does he have to give us both such want to have them when people who barely want them are popping them out like chips from a vending machine? You know those people... the ones that say things like if it happens it happens, if not that’s ok too. 😒 It feels like the ones who don’t even have religion in their lives are the most fertile and then there is us wanting to raise a child to know God, but he’d rather give many of them to the people who refuse to even teach their children that he exists. Why is that?!? It all feels like such a hit to the heart. I’m struggling a lot with this ladies.