Yesterday marked 12 full months of ttc. It's been 6 since we found out my husband had fertility issues and the journey of trying to fix them- 1 surgery with the possibility of 1 more and months of medication. I know how excited he is for kids, while I get less and less excited every month it doesn't work. I'm already terrified of being pregnant and scared I'm gonna be a shitty mom like mine, but I feel horrible for being less sad than he does when AF comes every month. I have so much anxiety around the end of my cycle bc I'm torn between how to feel -sad it didn't work, but also a little relieved that I'm one month further from dealing with pregnancy and motherhood. I feel like a fraud bc I've never felt the maternal pull and I'm so awkward around kids, but here I am, TTC for a year. Hubs knows a little of how I feel, but I dont want to deflate his happiness when he does so much for me and I know how much he wants to be a dad.