I need some serious advice please. (LONG POST)

So a little back story-

My boyfriend and I have been together for going on 5 years.  We have a little girl together.  Our relationship has a lot of problems right now.  There is no trust, we get in ugly fights, things like that.  I believe it is emotionally/ verbally abusive at times.  I have wanted us to work on things through counseling, but we stopped going because he actually asked me to withhold something he did to me and not tell our counselor until HE was ready.  I wasn’t comfortable with that.  I mean what is the point?

Anyways.  I work 40+ hours a week and also do a side job bringing in a few hundred extra a month.  I make about 2.5x the amount he does and I am 9 years younger than him.  I get a full time salary and have found that he doesn’t like me spending money without running it by him.  I mean I bought a shade for our rear window to block the sun from our daughter with MY money and he criticized me saying “when were you going to tell me about that”.  It was $20, FOR OUR DAUGHTER, and I work damn hard for my money.  We take care of our bills, but other than that- I want to keep our money separate due to feeling like he can be controlling. We used to share a bank account and I would get a text from him if I went to starbucks…

I get bonuses every quarter and this last bonus, I lied to him about how much it was and kept some to pay off some debt I had and to buy myself some clothes because I haven’t gone shopping since I had our daughter 9 months ago.  He checked my bank account, saw the amount, and was furious. 

Now, he is saying the only thing that would be fair and make us even, is if I deposit my upcoming bonus into his account so he can do what he wants with it then give him access to my bank account so he can know I am being honest about my money. I have pushed back, but he is making me feel extremely guilty and like since I lied to him about how much I was making, that I owe him.  I have told him things I need to spend money on and he always pushes it off, then we spend money on stupid shit.

I don’t know what to do.  I am not opposed to buying him nice things or sharing stuff with him, but I don’t think I OWE him and we are not married, so I think I am able to keep some of my money separate.