Am I being stupid or something??
[LONG read, mental/physical abuse warning, nothing gruesome but it’s mentioned]
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. Our relationship is great. He’s an amazing person, extremely sweet and caring. BUT there’s one thing I hate about him. It’s not even him specifically, I HATE his family. And I mean I absolutely detest them.
I’m not saying this for no reason.
His family is the most selfish, repulsive and uncaring family I have ever met.
They literally hate him. They have told him in his face that they do. They’ve thrown dishes at him, knives, they’ve locked him out of his home at night when he was in middle school and highschool - he slept on a hiking trail when it was below freezing(they did it twice while we’ve dated and both times my dad went out and saved him and brought him to our home to sleep), They have told him to kill himself and they should’ve aborted him, that he’s a disgrace and he’ll always be one. They are also the reason he suffers with back pain everyday.
He suffered from a sports related injury in highschool, and instead of going to the doctor they told him to toughen up. He was LIMPING because of this injury!! He couldn’t walk, he had to use a cane. He couldn’t sleep, he had to talk strong pain killers. Because he limped, they shit talked him and told him to stop walking weird. He developed a problem with his hips from trying to walk in a way that won’t piss them off. They have never once taken him to a doctor, dentist, etc.
For reference, they are his real parents. He was dumped in his grandparents care until the age of 8 when he started living with them again, but that’s because they left Korea and moved to the US. He hasn’t had paternal/maternal love since his grandparents. I’ve met them once and they are lovely people. They care for him so much but there’s only so much they can do thousands of miles away and in their 90’s, living with his aunts (who hate his family may I add, so they don’t let his grandparents talk to him). Since he left Korea he’s only seen them once (the one time I also met them) because no one wants that sweet old couple to be around this venom of a family.
Anyway, he has a younger brother. They give him everything. This brother is horrible as well. He’s MANY years younger than my boyfriend. His family had him so late and have never raised a child that they don’t realize that they are making this boy a piece of shit person. My boyfriend has had to raise his brother since birth. He’s fed him, changed his diaper, taken him to school. Yeah, even with that limp my boyfriend had to take his brother to school and pick him up. LIMPING. While he was in highschool/ early college.( his mom didn’t even work, and his dad could have easily done this himself. And he didn’t have a car yet because obviously he had to save up on his own for that. How? Who knows, they didn’t let him have a job /wouldn’t give him money either🙃 ). He’s only 22 now btw. He hasn’t finished college because he had to drop his classes to care for his brother. Or set his classes up to cater to his brothers schedule. Or he was dropped from classes from missing too much (due to his brother peeing himself, or setting the school on fire, or fighting, etc so he had to leave early) his physical condition has also inhibited him from finishing.
So where I’m getting at is, I forced him to move out of there and to live with me and my family. Thankfully he agreed and it’s been 2 years since he’s lived with me(they don’t know he lives with me).
But for some reason his POS family has always taken him away from me during some sort of holiday. And I’m talking anything important, somehow these people have a sort of sensor or something and they get him to leave. All of my birthdays, he’s left right when we sat down at a restaurant, or an hour into him spending time with me. All because they need him to pick up his brother. Or his brother doesn’t want to be at school anymore and wants to go home. Or simply because they need him to run their errands. And he FUCKING GOES! I’ve lost count at the times where we go to a nice restaurant on my birthday, sit down and I feel relieved if he even gets up to the part where we can order drinks. Because low and behold, they’re calling him and spamming his phone since for some reason, they need something on my birthday. Or Christmas, or New Years. Or thanksgiving. They don’t celebrate any holiday btw.
Today is thanksgiving. We haven’t been able to spend one together yet. Since they always call him out to bring them take-out food, or do their laundry or some shit. But today is worse, his mothers birthday landed on thanksgiving..
Haha... and they had him buy a $50 cake along with flowers for her. They’re mad because he didn’t buy her an “actual” gift. Well $80 worth of cake and flowers ISNT enough??
To add salt to the wound, he can’t work. He’s not physically or legally able(they have a visa but found it too expensive to renew his, so he’s been illegal for some years now meanwhile they aren’t..but his dad makes 10-15k a month and his mom makes 6-8k a month so...). It’s my money he had to use. I’m fine with that. But, they know he goes to school and doesn’t work, yet they still expect a Gucci handbag or something ??
I’ve been working 2 jobs since we met, and have saved up so I could get him medical help. We’ve been together since I was 15 and he was 16. I started working since then because I knew I wanted to get him out of that household and I knew if I didn’t do anything, he would die there. I’m not someone whose powerful, or rich... this is the extent of what I can do for him—The past 2 years he’s been doing physical therapy and he just started seeing a chiropractor and acupuncturist. It takes a while to reset 7 years of injury. His chiropractor is shocked he can even keep a straight face, or how he’s even alive, considering he’s been dealing with intense pain on his whole back/leg all these years. I also don’t go to college because I can’t find the time to. I still need $5k for his chiropractor and I have too much pride to ever set up a go fund me or ask for help. It’s too embarrassing. My parents would help if they could, but they have their own financial problems and so I can’t ask them.
But I digress. I told him that 1pm-7pm is enough time to be out with his family and to PLEASE come home so we can go to a thanksgiving dinner. They don’t give a shit that he’s there, he’s just their chauffeur and punching bag anyway. Yet, I know He won’t be back by then. I already know. They want him to stay each year for their birthdays 8 am until 10 pm minimum. So they’re already grilling him for getting there at 1pm...he doesn’t understand why I’m crying and so angry at this point. He’s so used to being mistreated and unloved, that it shocks him when I tell him to be selfish and put himself first.
I don’t know at this point... my birthday is in 3 weeks and I’m turning 21. But I can’t be excited because I already know, what’s happening today on thanksgiving, will happen then on my birthday.
I’m so sad, I don’t know what to do.
Am I justified for being this angry?
Or am I being a stupid?
I don’t know..