He can’t have babies.

Hi ladies! I have been with my BF for the past 7 years. I was 21 when I met him and into drugs and partying and he was 34 and recently divorced. He explained when he met me that he didn’t think he wanted to marry again and that his sperm motility is low and they’ve told him it’d be hard or nearly impossible to get pregnant. I was young into the party scene, the drug scene and just wanted to have a good time so I really didn’t care about marriage or babies. I was also on the pill for the first five years just because I didn’t want any mistakes happening. I honestly thought that whole low sperm thing was BS and something that people just said. Boy, was I wrong.

Fast forward 7 years and I’m about to turn 29 and he’s turning 41. We had one pregnancy 1 year and a half later, once I stopped birth control which was honestly considered a miracle by the specialists we’ve seen. I miscarried. We still aren’t married. So now Because I’m getting closer to 30 I’ve really started feeling bad that I’ve basically accomplished nothing. I’m not married nor have children. Some days I question myself like does marriage and children give me value? Do I live my life just hoping and praying he can get me pregnant again?

IVF

is not possible because of funds. I see all my friends married and having babies and it’s just like I’m not there.

But I also think, how can I leave this man who is perfect, kind, loving, supporting. He does anything to make me happy. Hes honestly the best and I love him so much, but do I live this life of just being a failure?

Some days I’m ok with it, and I think I’ll just be one of those ladies that doesn’t have kids. Because I cannot picture myself without him. But other days I just feel like a complete failure. With marriage he’s changed his mind and said he’s open to it but he’s afraid because of my age and his problem that he’ll propose and I’ll end up leaving anyway. He basically wants to avoid another divorce. Just want your opinions and also for anyone that thinks it’s so simple and tells me to just leave, imagine leaving the person you love most before you respond.