Okay so I just need to get this off my chest.

My boyfriend and I have been together 4 years (!!!!!!!!). We love each other dearly and our relationship is great.

We are sexually active and have been for over a year now. Honestly, it’s great. We both like trying new things and it’s pretty fun.

However. I receive no oral. And I’m SO conflicted over it. He tried twice and both times maybe LITERALLY lasted one second. He said he didn’t like it. And I’m fine with that I don’t ever want to make him do anything he isn’t comfortable doing.

But. We’re each other’s firsts and I honestly just want to know what it feels like. Since, again, each time only lasted for one second, I don’t think I ever actually felt anything. If I did I definitely don’t remember.

It’s just frustrating, you know?

And he doesn’t know any of this. I’ve never mentioned this to him. When he tried those times (he asked to try both times, I didn’t ask him to) and couldn’t, he felt so bad. He kept apologizing and assuring me it was nothing that had to do with me.

I give him blow jobs all the time, but not because he asks for it or begs or anything. I do it because I enjoy it and I like that he enjoys them.

So, obviously I’m not going to dump him or cheat on him over this. I’m just frustrated. And I’m not going to stop giving him blow jobs as an ultimatum because that’s basically the same as forcing him to do it, which is super wrong.

And I mean I’ve thought about bringing it up to him, but I don’t want to make him feel pressured or potentially feel bad about himself.

I just needed to get this off my chest. There is nothing I can do about this, and I realize it. But I have no one to talk to about this, so I’m telling you all.

It’s not like I’m never satisfied, I just wish I knew what it felt like. I guess I’m a little jealous that I can never be “lazy” when we’re doing foreplay or having sex. Like the attention is never directly focused on me. While blow jobs are always completely focused on him. I feel like none of this makes any sense.

I love him dearly, but I’m backed into a corner with no way out on this subject.

***UPDATE***

Okay, so I’ve mentioned this to him. I made sure to be careful about my wording and to sound as understanding as humanly possible.

Before I say what happened, I bathe regularly and I ALWAYS either trim or shave before we have sex (if it’s not spontaneous sex of course).

Anyways, I mentioned that maybe we could try again? I told him I completely understand if he doesn’t want to and that I’ll drop it if it makes him uncomfortable. I explained that I really do feel like I might be missing out on something which is why I’d like for him to try again.

He said he wasn’t sure, so I asked what about giving oral made him feel weird or uncomfortable and he said he couldn’t explain it. He said that I definitely didn’t smell bad and that he doesn’t remember a bad taste (haven’t tried in a pretty long time), but that he just didn’t like how it felt to him. I’m not 100% sure what that means, and I don’t think he does either because he couldn’t explain it.

Maybe it’s just where we’re both new to this? He just doesn’t know what to do and I don’t know how to help? Nervous maybe?

Anyways, i mentioned to him maybe trying 69 so that he could be pleasured and aroused at the same time. He said he would give it some thought and told me to mention it to him when we try foreplay again. I guess maybe he’s hoping he’ll be more willing to try again while he’s in the mood? Not sure.

I would say I’d update again when we do have sex again, but because of finals, busy retail season, and the holidays in general, I’m not sure when we’ll have time to have sex again since we don’t live together.

But I want to thank all of you that listened and gave me some tips! I wasn’t expecting anyone to really reply, but I’m so glad that a few of you did! Maybe it’ll work out and maybe it won’t, but either way our sex life will still be great. 😊❤️