Kinda lost

For MONTHS now I’ve been thinking Im depressed and have anxiety. I hate myself all of the time and can only think of everything that’s wrong in my life and I feel sooo alone. I’ve always been a bubbly person, but now I’m just always sad. I’ve also had suicidal thoughts. I think I may have smiling depression. I also think I have anxiety bc im so scared of what everyone else thinks of me and I feel like I’m always fidgeting. Not only that but I always think something is gonna go wrong. I know there’s more but I can’t put it into words. Has anybody else felt like this and actually gotten diagnosed?