Who should have more “say-so”? (read description)

Question

I’ll try to make this short and sweet:
I had to quit my job to stay at home with our 9 mo old son. I have been home with him every day since the day we came home with him, all day and night. S/o showed little interest in spending time with us as a family and seemed to withdraw himself. 
Then at 6 mos old, we moved out of our home and me and my son moved in with my mom because, mine and my so’s new home is being renovated. He didn’t want to stay at my mom’s with us because it would be a 5 minute longer drive to work if he stayed here, rather than where he is staying now. Which means he’d have to wake up 5 min earlier..... 🙄 
His words...
He doesn’t come visit us through the week at all. He comes and visits with our son on Saturday for about 4 hours at MOST. Other than this past weekend, he was actually here almost the whole weekend. But when he’s here, he doesn’t play with our son a lot and usually just plays on his phone. 
Today he tried to start an argument with me saying I should feed him some chicken nuggets (keep in mine he has no teeth yet) because he didn’t like puréed chicken that I gave him today, and when I said no he wanted to say that I don’t let him have equal say so in our sons life etc etc..
It’s hard for me to feel he should have equal say so when I care for him 24/7 and he barely even attempts to see him.... Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Accepted Answer

If he won’t take on some of the work and responsibility, he doesn’t get much right to an opinion 🤷🏼‍♀️ being a father is more than just giving his 50% of the DNA

Answer

How are you even together? This is very convenient for him- only has to be a father 4 hours a week. It’s like you already have full custody. What’s keeping you in this relationship?

Answer

If he isn’t putting an effort at being a parent to your child then he should either step up a bit more or keep his half assed parenting to himself. I don’t understand people like that, people who don’t take the responsibility for their own kids.

Answer

In this specific case, based on the information provided, you should have more say. He is clearly not invested as a parent and cannot go around crabbing about having no say if he isn't prepared to be actively involved in his child's life and upbringing.

Answer

How about tell him he can come feed the child chicken daily , since he cares !!!

Answer

I don’t necessarily think he’s in the right, but it’s a bad habit to get in the mindset that you should have more say. Regardless of circumstance, you made the baby together, and the more you act like you should have more say the more he’s going to back off because ‘what’s the point in him trying anyway’ 
Also, it’s harder for men to bond usually than women and even when women have a hard time bonding, there’s usually a reason (like hormones or ppd) whereas men get stressed and overwhelmed too but are still expected to be the best they can be. Maybe he was just overwhelmed in the beginning and had a hard time adjusting to the dad life. 
Also, is there a specific reason you said no to chicken nuggets? Maybe he doesn’t understand why you said no and feels like his opinion isn’t heard or valid 🤷🏼‍♀️
Idk the whole story but hopefully that helps see from both sides maybe 🤷🏼‍♀️ good luck.

Answer

First of all, a 9 month old shouldn’t be eating chicken nuggets, second tell him if he were around more then you would let him have more of a day.

Answer

Who tf doesn't want to see their own baby every day? 🙄🤷

Who should have more “say-so”? (read description)

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