Commitment & Not Settling Down

I am 32 years old. Since 2014, when I was 28 years old I noticed that everybody on Facebook found their soulmate and everyone in Facebook began to have kids.

I began to grow sad because I was in long term relationships in the past that ended due to the guy not being ready for a future. I have had a total of...5 long serious relationships.

I get these sad spells every now and then. They are off and on. About once every 4-6 months (each episode lasting about just 15 minutes) I notice how I begin to realize that I am getting older, have not married yet, and how if I get past age 38 without kids, then that is the route it will have to be. When I go through this short recurring moment, I cry really hard, remind myself that I am thankful for everything I have, remind myself that it’s okay not having kids yet because I’ll get to travel more, get myself back together, dry my tears, put a smile on my face, and move on....until it happens again in another 4-6 months!

When I was with my last boyfriend, I wished so much that he was *the one* and hopefully we could finally start a future together....until I fell out of love with him because he never expressed to be truly in love with me.

Luckily, getting out of that relationship was the best thing that ever happened to me because it brought me to my current boyfriend. My current boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now. We are pretty serious, and we have a place together. As we have grown together over the past few years, we feel there could be much potential for a future!

Even though we have been together for 4 years, I still have the tendency to get those sad spells. It is because we have not discussed future plans such a having kids yet, or maybe even getting married. Yes, we talk about being each other’s future partner, but he does not seem ready to discuss that far into that topic.

Anyway, back to the sad spells, I have cried during weddings, I have teared up watching my boss pick out wedding dresses, and just about every baby is giving me baby fever now! Each time I get emotional, I get sad and then come to terms to re-accept everything again.

Still, I must remind myself that I am very thankful for what I already have...because I am!!!!

The truth is, I’d love to get married and have kids someday and I know someday having that will end these sad spells. And the day I have my first child, I will tell him or her that he/she is the happiest thing that has ever happened to me.