I feel crazy...

This year I had started seeing a therapist. I have been previously diagnosed with ADD as a child and adolescent. My therapist diagnosed me with Major Depression, Severe Anxiety, and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I love my therapist and she helped so much at first, but it seems to be getting harder and harder as I become more self-aware.

I literally feel as if I’m going crazy. The things I thought were normal for so long turned out to be not normal at all, and that my behavior is unacceptable. And here I thought I was just powered by my zodiac sign, when all along is was BPD. Not wanting my partner to leave the house, yet wanting him to have a job because I get jealous that he gets to stay home. Resentment towards my partner over the smallest of things, feeling intense anger over a look or single word, snapping at my children and significant other, feeling jealous that my friends have other friends, jealous that my significant other has so many friends and I have hardly any, wanting to hit something because I’m so angry, screaming like a banshee, the manipulation, stomach pains because my body and mind is in so much distress, others getting upset at me because when we argue or discuss something I just sit there and say nothing, my outrageous attempts to keep my significant other from leaving me because he is so frustrated with my behavior. Then theirs the depression part....panic attacks, screaming, headaches because my mind will not rest, crying for hours on end, beating my head against things in attempt to make it all stop, hyperventilating, feeling emotionally numb, resentment towards everything, and even thoughts of not wanting to exist anymore (but being afraid to die).

My therapist had given me books to read such as:

- I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me

- Stop Walking on Eggshells

- DBT Skills Training Handouts & Worksheets

- Borderline Personality Disorder for Dummies (I picked out this one myself)

I am currently reading each one. However, as I read I feel more and more like it’s impossible that I get better, that I’ll ever have control over my emotions. It’s so hard to escape and I just want to feel normal. I feel like I’m crazy.

Please any tips, tricks, books, personal experiences, anything that could benefit me, please share them. I feel so alone, even though I know deep down that I’m not, I still feel alone.