So, I’ve been quite tired for the past week or so, and now that I know I’ve got a little poppyseed growing inside of me, I understand why! I have had a bit of anxiety during my TWW because I was pretty confident I was experiencing pregnancy symptoms, but then the negative test at 7 DPO made me second guess. Needless to say, I was pretty eager for this wait time to be over with so I could find out for sure. I tested yesterday, at 12 DPO and got my faint positive 😃 🎉 Now, is my wait to tell my hubby.

I know, my topic heading was a bit deceiving, but it got you here, didn’t it 😉.

Hubby has no idea yet. Well, we have been trying for a couple months and I basically just let him know specifically when we need to be intimate, and then he asks when AF is supposed to come, and we wait together. Things were pretty much perfect this month for conception. I can’t say that with any of my previous 3 babies that anything was ideal or perfect or predictable, but for the last two months my cycle has been almost text book. Last month sort of baffled me and we didn’t have things timed right, but when this month was working out the same I kept on top of things (not literally...I’m usually on the bottom when we are actively trying 😁 lets gravity do it’s thing lol ..kidding!)

😂

and did the deed a couple times right around the right days, and BOOM, 2 days later I start getting little waves of nausea and supreme exhaustion and little cramps. One week later was our youngest daughter’s first birthday party and we had a load of things we needed to do that day, but it was kicked off by us finding ourselves locked in the house because our doors were frozen! I couldn’t get the deadbolts open, and couldn’t turn knobs (we’ve got moisture issues in our house that we are starting to get figured out, but this was a crumby day for this to happen). My hubby woke up feeling like garbage because a cold he was almost over decided to flare up and run him down again (he looked and sounded like crap, so this was him legitimately unwell, not just a “man-cold”). When I finally thawed out one of the doors, I got a brisket on our smoker (after having to put a hot air blower on it for a few minutes to get it to actually start up), and we ran some errands in the city that is about 25 min away, got oldest daughter to piano lessons in a town about 15 minutes away, got cake done, had more errands to run in the city...and then hubby discovered our septic pump-out also froze!! This has happened before but when he took things apart to thaw it out, a piece broke 😩 so he had to drive BACK into the city to get the part, pretty much right when company started to show up 🙈. Fortunately it was just family and they also have farms and understand the troubles that can come up, and were understanding and gracious about waiting for my hubby to get back home. (He ended up grabbing the wrong sized part so he couldn’t fix it that night anyways, and my SIL annoys him, so he was irritable, even without the congestion that was coming and going from him being in and out of the house).

We’d had a conversation at one point earlier in the day when he was stressing about everything that needed to be done and about how he felt like crap and he was getting to the end of his rope. I had said, “I don’t feel great either, but I know the stuff has to be done!” And he looked at me with an annoyed look saying, “why don’t YOU feel good?” To which I could have answered, “because I’m growing a baby inside of me and I keep getting waves of nausea and I’m exhausted and anxious about waiting to do a test and anxious about getting everything done in time today!”...but I wanted to surprise him with the news, once I knew for sure...and definitely didn’t want to let the cat out of the bag during an argument...so I said, “I didn’t sleep well last night and have a bit of a cold too. The kids are trouble today and we just have to keep moving!” The day ended well because the brisket was amazing and our baby girl was happy as could be and we went to bed with our hearts and stomachs full 😊

The cake I made for my December-birthday baby!

Our happy birthday girl!

I don’t think there have been other instances over the past 5 days...altho yesterday morning’s brief confusion with me trying to sneakily fetch a pregnancy test from our bathroom and explaining I was simply checking to see where the extra toilet paper was probably made him think I was on glue, briefly, but I let him mark that up to him being exhausted from lack of sleep and not fully awake yet. But last night our 1yo has a hard time going to sleep and she was not settling at all and it makes me feel a bit helpless, which he knows that (we are trying to establish a new routine that consists of her no longer nursing before bed and it’s been about a week and she still isn’t feeling it). But my anxiety about her screaming and waking the other kids up or keeping my hubby from being able to fall asleep when he has to work a day shift gets the best of me sometimes and I’m back and forth between her door and the monitor in our room and watching to see if she has laid back down yet, trying to think of what I can do for her without just caving and giving her a boob. (I decided this bedtime routine we had with nursing just before bed needs to stop when I tried to go out to a ladies night a week and a half ago and when I’d texted my hubby to let him know I was on my way home, he just gave me an FYI saying she’d been screaming and crying for the past hour and a half and he doesn’t know what to do. When I got home, I stood in her room and she quit crying instantly 🙈 and got up and clung to my shirt and was nuzzling my chest. So she didn’t want to go to sleep without nursing...but she literally nurses for 2-3 minutes, max, and then talks and then I lay her down and she passes out. She was super unsettled at that point tho and didn’t go down easy even after I let her nurse. So I figured we need to just do a bottle before bed and try something new so Daddy can take over at bedtime sometimes!) Anyways! Back to lay night’s ordeal with trying to get her to settle: finally got her to calm down and I laid in bed and hubby, with a sincerely irritated tone asked, “what is going on with you?” And I responded, “what? Why? What do you mean?” “You’re acting weird...” (to which I wanted to respond, “I’m not weird, your pants are weird”)

...”stressing out about her not falling asleep and just the WAY you are acting!” (This man knows me; he can feel something is going on but isn’t connecting the dots just yet). I just said, “it just always makes me anxious when I can’t just help her to settle”, and snuggled into bed. He still had a queer expression on his face and frowning, so he wasn’t satisfied with my response, but I passed right out, so there was no more discussion.

I’ve also had some headaches now and then, but I was getting bad migraines every cycle leading up to my period from when I got my period again after our daughter was born, altho the past two months I just had mild headaches. So this is a hormone thing, and I also sleep wonky when I’m pregnant, which I believe he observed with my last pregnancy as well. This morning I stretched a bit and groaned and rubbed my neck when he was in the kitchen to pack up his bag to head to work, and he asked what was wrong and I said I had a bit of a headache and my neck was sore...”well you’ve been sleeping in the most f’ed up positions!”

My plan is still to wait for Christmas Day, but I’m not sure I can yet. I am also still waiting for the printer to let me know the shirt is done that I’m getting made! I’ll post a picture of it as soon as I get it. Maybe I’ll post a poll to see what everyone thinks about whether I should still wait or tell him before that.