Have you ever been close to someone and found out they committed a terrible crime?

Question

I’m feeling so conflicted right now. 
Someone close to me was just arrested for rape and murder. Like my mind is spinning. How the hell can this happen? I feel sad for the family of the murder victim but I also care for the murderer. He was always so nice and sweet and a family man. I am having nightmares because I am so distraught. How the hell do I get through this? How am I supposed to feel?

Answer

Well he obviously wasn't nice and sweet when he raped and murdered someone..

Answer

Many murderers have the superficial charm. They can hook almost anybody. Just know it's all a facade and possibly a game to this person. Please let this be the end of yall's friendship. I know it's hard, but all you can do is move forward.

Answer

It makes absolute sense to mourn the loss of the person you believed they were. You knew them as a person you cared for, and now you’re finding out that person isn’t reality. It’s not wrong of you to be upset over losing that presence in your life, or to be angry and sad that someone you trusted would do something like that. 
If you were out there saying they should get away with it because they’re a nice person, that would be wrong, obviously. But even if they were never REALLY a nice person, that was reality to you previously and it’s normal that you need time to adjust to the fact that they weren’t who you thought they were.

Answer

I’ve been through this, a really close friend of mine murdered a women then killed themselves.  I felt beyond awful for the victim but also for him as well. It’s very confusing feeling. Ultimately your allowed to feel sad for both people, your allowed to have emotions about it. There’s no one way you should feel, think or act in a situation like this.

Answer

The man my ex-husband called "dad" was his best friends dad. These people took him in and raised him, so when we had kids, naturally they were "grandparents"....when our oldest daughter was five we were shocked to find out that this man had been sexually assaulting and abusing his own daughter since she was 5, she was 17 then. Everyone who knew him had no idea. It was so bizarre.

Answer

I'm glad it wasn't you who was raped and murdered♡

Answer

You feel however you feel, but first you need to try and detach yourself from the idea that this person is nice, because if they really did this, then clearly they’re not.
Try and seek some therapy to help you deal with this. They can help you understand your emotions better and teach you how to deal with the loss of the victim but also the loss of a friendship with the accused.

Answer

I worked with two people who senselessly kidnapped and murdered a girl and hid the body for a year. My exes step dad also murdered a guy after a drunken fight. It’s difficult at first, especially when it’s someone you feel could never do something like that. I wasn’t super close to them though so it’s easy for me to say I just moved on from it. But you’ll find it easier to overcome as time goes by. You need to change your mindset about the individual. He obviously wasn’t a sweet family man if he raped and murdered someone. A lot of people aren’t who they seem to be in all honesty.

Answer

abusers groom their friends just as thoroughly as they groom their victims. people who do terrible wrongs like this are the type to want to carefully make sure they have a strong support network of character witnesses.
of course you think he was a nice and sweet person, thats because he groomed you to believe that.
you absolutely arent the only person to feel so conflicted and confused about him, im 100% certain that MANY are feeling your exact feelings right now. all the grief and anger and sadness and disbelief all at once and so strongly.
RAINN has support networks and directories for people who have been assaulted, those resources can also help you to speak with someone about your conflicted feelings and help you navigate them.

Answer

My freshmen year of college, I had a really good friend/track teammate that raped me.

Have you ever been close to someone and found out they committed a terrible crime?

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