Christmas 2017 was the last time I talked to my uncle. We had Christmas at his house, me, him & my cousin, his son, were talking about college. He was saying he was proud of us for doing well in school. February 27th 2018 his soul decided to move on from this earth.

I still haven’t really processed it. I haven’t put myself in a situation to. I haven’t seen my aunt or grandma, his mom & sister, since the funeral. I suffered severe anxiety about my grandparents suddenly dying too for almost a year. I still cry when I think too much of him.

He had a cabin on the river & we would go boating. He loved beer. He loved dogs. He was my cousins best friend. He didn’t become a heartless person after his wife left him. He wasn’t an asshole like his sister, my paternal grandma. He was accepting. He was a veteran. He went to war after 9/11 & I remember my cousin having to stay with us. We had lots of holidays at his house, 4th of July up at camp where there was a huge cookout & fireworks display.

The holidays are hard. I miss him so much. I still try to enjoy the holidays but I cry inside, & alone. I pray for a Christmas baby only because that would bring happiness back to the holidays, I’ll make my baby’s holidays as wonderful as he made mine. We’ll go see family. We’ll like Christmas songs.